Pull Closer or Push Away
by serafina19
Summary: Before, Chloe thought she had the complete picture, however, she was missing one important part, the very thing she was afraid to admit to herself, despite the guilt she felt in pushing him away. Companion piece to "Though I cannot fly, I'm not content to crawl."


**Timeline**: In case you haven't read the companion piece, AU Season 9.

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_But under skinned knees and the skid marks  
Past the places where you used to learn  
You howl and listen  
Listen and wait for the _  
_Echoes of angels who won't return_

Everything You Want: Vertical Horizon

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**Pull Closer or Push Away**

Chloe Sullivan had endured her share of toxic relationships, in fact, it seemed to be the only type she knew. Bloodshed or ignorance seemed to be the only words that were associated with her world. Clark, Jimmy, Davis... who was she kidding? When she tried, when her walls came down, they crumbled, toppling the world's balance with it, or her emotions did the toppling for it.

So she swore off love, refused to believe that it had anything to do with her anymore. Then _he _happened.

He stayed behind, allowed her to get back on her feet. In fact, he the only one who stuck around. He blamed herself, she blamed herself. After awhile, they called it a draw and they began to set up Watchtower together, bantering over take-out. Eventually, they were able to track down the team. After they brought them home, they couldn't help but look at each other, feel proud that they got through all this time.

Then life was supposed to go back to normal, but it oddly didn't. Oliver still came by on his lunch break, grabbing her coffee when she needed it, all because he wanted to make sure that she was okay. Chloe hadn't ever considered Oliver as more than an acquaintance slash boss, but soon enough, he was becoming her closest confidante. When Chloe hung out with him, she could actually talk, and sometimes they'd just revel in the silence, enjoying the golden moments as they watched a movie, or looked over the skyline.

But it was back, the hopeless stupid feeling, the last thing she wanted with him.

Friends only, she thought, it had to be that way. He was her boss, but with each time they met for lunch, she started to feel something again. For weeks, she had shrugged it off as something else, happiness, normalcy; it had to be something else. But it persisted, kept with her when she wanted nothing more than to bury it. Of course that didn't mean that it didn't hurt, because in a lot of ways, her and Oliver... they made a lot of sense. He was someone who listened to her, trusted her, and there were no secrets between them, no silly drama, and he had this uncanny ability of being there when she needed him.

Yet it wasn't enough, she couldn't do it because Chloe convinced herself that all this was a phase. There would be something or someone who would inevitably push them away. The man was Oliver Queen after all; there would always be someone else for him. Her whole life, Chloe was buried into the best friend/sidekick role, so Chloe was determined to help deliver what time always accomplished on its own. And with every inch of distance she put between herself and him, the inevitable began to happen. Only this time, it didn't make her feel better.

When he pulled away, she could see the disappointment on his face, but she had long convinced herself that it was for the best. It should have allowed her to relax, as this was what she wanted right? To put that distance there, to fight the camaraderie, or potentially something that was attempting to break through. Chloe was asking for this, waiting for this, praying for this, but instead, she felt guilty and Chloe missed him as he began to avoid her altogether.

But once the darker time in their relationship passed, they were at least able to find a pseudo-sense of normal again. There was still a sense of distance, but Chloe was fine taking what she could get. And although Oliver kissing her wasn't on the original list, it was an amendment she could accept.

Chloe forgot how or why he kissed her, but rational thought disappeared and she responded almost immediately. From the moment she put her hand on his back, pushing herself closer to him, everything disappeared except for him and Chloe let herself enjoy it. Because it wasn't just her imagination, he really did feel the same way... all this time. And there was no unexplainable force or reasonable explanation as to why they parted, no, this time, it was all her.

She felt so stupid, for as they backed away, all those moments where she questioned herself flashed in front of her. All of those nights he comforted her when she needed it, the unconditional support he provided her, each and every moment that she felt that unexplainable tightness in her chest, wondering if he could ever look at her like he was right now, only to realize he always was.

Hearing him mumble something, Chloe snapped from her trance, ready to apologize, to... do something, but then she noticed him grin slightly and begin to walk away. She tried to open her mouth, but her breath was the only thing that came out. Desperately, Chloe reached out, her fingers only grazing his arm, but fortunately, enough to slow Oliver down.

"This is... " she started to say, surprised by the calm in her voice. "This is what you want?"

"Yes," was his quiet reply and upon looking up, she noticed how his mouth twitched out slightly.

"Why?"

Oliver lifted his head, knowing that, "I could waste time, tell you think you already know, tell you things you won't believe." Turning to face her once more, he shrugged lightly as he glanced away momentarily. "What I know is this. Our track records suck, but the more time I spend with you, the more I realize that we have what was missing in our other relationships."

Chloe's eyebrow rose as she took a step towards him. "Which is?"

"An understanding of the life we've chosen and the decisions we've made." As he smoothed his palm down the side of Chloe's arm, she couldn't help but peer down and take note of the way his skin felt against hers, even in the most innocent of gestures. But her head popped back up, because she also knew that these were words she needed to hear. "We forgive our past mistakes, ignore the name written in the paper and focus on the person right in front of us."

It was true, all of it, but for some reason, Chloe felt a little denial holding on. "I sound like a really good friend."

She could see the slight frustration behind his eyes, and she hated how this was her default setting, but she had every intention of clarifying that until she noticed Oliver open his mouth again.

"You are, Chloe, never doubt that. But I like to think that what we have... it's a foundation for something more." Leaning his forehead down to touch hers, Chloe immediately felt her breathing slow down, but she remained planted in her spot. When she didn't have an answer for that, Oliver reached up, stroking his finger gently down her cheek. He likely knew the risks he was taking with the proximity, but Chloe did nothing to discourage or to stop him.

However, her body was a mess now, as she knew the moment Oliver let go that she would lose her balance. Being this close to him, it was something that Chloe never saw happening, but she didn't want him to back away. The worst part was that she could sense Oliver looking at her, expecting something to escape her lips, but her eloquence left the moment their foreheads touched.

It's why Oliver's words filled the air once more. "You forget that you pulled me out the gutter too, but I'd prefer that you remember me like this, the person that I am when you're in my life." When he brought his head back up, Chloe felt herself exhale, but he hadn't released her yet, nor was he done his argument. "Life is... finally normal for us and I'm not giving up on you, Chloe. So please... think about it."

"Okay," she blurted, not even realizing that she had said it aloud until she noticed Oliver's reaction to the whispered word. Chloe never realized just amazing his smile was, especially considering this one was all for her.

"Good," was his response, and to Chloe's surprise, Oliver stepped backwards, slipping his hands out of hers. But the moment her fingers experienced the so-called freedom that she had wanted all those weeks, Chloe leaned up to kiss Oliver, keeping him from turning around. Fingers twisted in his hair, bringing him down that necessary inch or two to keep him close, Chloe gave him everything.

And Oliver wasted little time with the opportunity, as the surprise wore off quickly and he reciprocated in every way. Sure, Chloe had considered this moment, but the funny thing with fantasy is that despite the expectations, it often pales in the face of reality and this was no exception.

When she finally released him, Chloe felt herself chuckle lightly. "I actually meant _okay,_" she said softly, yet with enough emphasis on the final word so her message got through. "I think I've been doing enough thinking for the both of us... and something tells me that you don't want me to change my mind."

Looking up optimistically, Chloe felt a smile slip as she heard Oliver laugh a single time. "You... are amazing."

Those were words Chloe was willing to take, but as nice as this was, she felt herself take a step back. With a hesitant grin, Chloe peered past Oliver towards the food that had been abandoned due to recent events. "And we should probably eat before the food gets cold."

"Fair point," Oliver replied, grateful for the steps that Chloe had already taken today, so he didn't mind backing away to do just that. "Have a seat."

After a quick nod, Chloe obliged him, watching as Oliver had grabbed the food and sat down next to her on the couch. From there, things still felt natural, with the odd touch, the odd stealing of food from their take-out containers. But overall, Chloe couldn't help but feel comfortable about the choice to pull him back to her.

Before, she knew that Oliver was everything she wanted, but all that meant nothing if Chloe didn't know exactly why. Before, Chloe thought she had the complete picture, the traits they shared, the vision they shared for the world, all of the little things. However, she was missing one important part, the very thing she was afraid to admit to herself, despite the guilt she felt in pushing him away.

Years ago, she had read to Clark about how there were two types of girls and with him, Chloe wanted to be the girl that he grew into, but she never was. With Jimmy, even if he would have lived, it likely wouldn't have been long before they grew apart again. But with Oliver, it was different. They had grown closer over time and every time they pushed each other away, they found themselves back together in a different capacity.

So in the end, it was the simple fact that Oliver wanted her too and the simple case that just because something happened a few times doesn't make it an inevitability. He was different because he understood what she needed and Oliver was willing to fight for her when she was ready. Only Chloe didn't want to wait another day, because when you have everything you want, you hold onto it for every second you can.

**~End~**

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_Sera's Scribbles: I've wanted to do a positive spin on this song for awhile now. It's easy to feel the bittersweet from the guy's perspective, and one of my closest LJ buddies did a version of that already... one that I couldn't compete with. So I put a different spin on the words, with the hope that it makes sense and that you enjoyed it. Fingers crossed._


End file.
